i told aj i thought i was depressed

and he said yea i think you are

lol. what do depressed people do any differnt from other people

i had the whole world in my hands but i gave it away
i didnt know at the time

actually, to know that, you have to be lucky.
im never known as the one to get lucky

i have never been given the choice between door 1 and door 2, and picked the one with the prize.
i want to win

im a liar and the only truth i know is regret

as you wish

doc says i should blog. that i'll probably feel better if i give it a chance for long enough.

ok, hows that supposed to help me?
you can say whatever you want. you are too busy trying to make everyone else feel better to ever really tell them whats wrong with you
and this web page is going to comfort me in some kind of way? whatever you say.


everyone looks so good from here.
so i think, that its not helpful to me or them to surprise them with this need for help that he thinks i have. i hold people up, thats what i do. i dont trouble them with more trouble. my trouble isn't their trouble. i want their trouble. i think im ok. i thought i was ok. i should have done some things differently. i thought i was making the best of every situation and getting everyone else too. and for some reason i am mr. regret now, and its weird.

i've decided to forgo any thought of structure. im always trying to show people im so organized and put together and smart and strong willed that i will be able to help them. i dont have anything to prove to this